i miss the care.
i need the strength.

im lost,
wheres the brightside.

our body lies along the grid like road.

i can not help but look at the memories,
that are so vivid in feeling, because my chest begins to pound up and through to my eyes, as the tears bleed out.
i know, that the stones we laid out together, are real.
they were the best times, and i didn't even see it.
i can see the marks on my heart that peel back to a field of happy hi's, and gorgeous goodbye's .
but i will never be able to explain, how,
how we manage to get here.
somewhere, i never predicted. somewhere, i never thought existed.
reading the ink mark of words i have on my wall, of how we never will break, and of how i feel this rarity of relationship has evolved and sprouted to exciting heights.
i just sit and stare.
tracing back to the talks. to the moments of exact happiness. to the seconds that prove to be our last.
i can not even begin to fathom the thought of you just forgetting me.
cause tonight, i laid in bed. listening to all that brings me back to us.
and reading, seeing, watching.
the thread...
the chain.
of us.
and i see the arms of this connection, spreading.
please, retract back.
because i know i'm scared, to throw this away. and scared of the fact that you already have.
i dont want to feel lost, with you.
i want to smooth my hands across these coarse, rough sheets.
and let them blow with the wind, so that they are open to the eye of forgiveness.
cause i am sorry.
can we just sit, and spill our insides to the searing sun.
and clear the clouds that have fucked with our minds.
i just want to hear everything.
i want to feel bare.
... i can only have faith that there is that little speck inside of you.
that has the strength to hear me out.
and try to begin to repair,
the scattered dots, we think have flown and blown away.
so i take this knife, and slice through my built up shield,
cause that is what i need to do.
for you,
to see this does not have to run astray.
... please,
save a line.
for me.

down the river.

the passing of a night where all that is in the room is freedom instantly becomes unforgettable.
where the light is only placed upon those that are worth seeing.
i am put into this mood of complete surrealism, a point where i see myself arriving to,
all i want to do is just soak in all the carelessness yet controlled actions of a spark that is so spontaneously unexpected.
the flag of warning, can't help but be raised.
i need to find a path, out.
out of cautiousness, out of hesitance.
with every moment that presents itself, i need to just jump.
and not be afraid of the fall.
cause all that is left from my overrated contemplated thoughts is that you have already slipped,
slipped straight through my fingers.
but the constant showing of your unfamiliar surprises,
lets me down.
knowing the strength of this once tightly tied rope, has quickly frayed and ripped
directly down the middle.
we take steps back that uncontrollably exists within our feet.
with the split sides of rope remaining on the ground,
all we both can do,
is just stare...
cause neither one of us can find that person who once
cared.
so lets just spare, to know
that we both have changed, cause thats fair.
all that was there,
has i guess just gone into the air.
... but the memories that lay,
will never be too far away.

i need something.

please, make me feel i mean more to you than this... silence.
the trembles i get, as i hear the words.
the shaking of my hand as i go to brush the tears,
i am driven to the pits of pain, i lay in silence... and just let my heart beat. beat. beat.
as the bitter taste fills my mouth, it attacks my heart. the tip of the dagger, slits into the one place i know is left.
the racing of the thoughts picking at my brain covers my desire to go on.
with the freezing of the ground around me, there's so much underneath it, that i just want to expose. but second by second, i have to realize, it does not wait, it does not care for what i feel.
i will smash my soul into the solid stones on the floor, because it has up and left. away.
taken away.
the reality of something new, shedding across your sky...
brings me only to the roof,
as i lay my broken body along the rim of it, i drop my arm down the side... swaying it, saying, let all just fall, let all just fall...
there is no feeling left in me, as half of me has subsided over the edge, i look up at the stars.
the hope, that touches my eyes, sends the tears to release onto my face, uncontrollably flowing down.
i just close the lids of the pain, i feel.
opening all my limbs to the patterns of roof, that once was my safety, i just want to be able to breathe, to catch that last inhale of my one true happiness. i begin to feel the air in my chest, as my heart fills up.... the force of something else has stopped me... stopped all i can feel, and has tortured it to make me feel sour inside, the slow dripping of loss collapses me.
i can only fall, to escape this taste of being unwanted.
the place where i am burned,
where the unknown is my blood.
you've left me there.
the words i can only imagine to say to you, takes over my life.
so many wishes of wanting to just sit and say to you all i have for you.
but the harsh slaps across my face scar me, cause you don't want it.
you are in the light of someone else...
the ray of that truth, has killed every ounce of love i have saved for you.
i am forever stuck in this crack of regret.
i am sorry.
for the time you've wasted on me, but it has meant the world to me.
that your stars were able to shine on me.
if this is what you need, i will walk on, walk away.
for you.
i just want you to look out that window, that i once stared out of, and see...
all the talks.
all the hugs.
all the moments.
all the hopes.
all the trips.
all the plans.
all the kisses.
all the times...
and all the love.
all i think and feel when i see you is,
all the times you held my face in your hands... i knew i was loved...
or the times where we caught the light, of our love, in each others eyes and just blink to know what we feel is mutual... it was there, burning inside of us.
but the blocking of knowing that moment has gone into the past, knowing you have fell into the hands of another, blinding me all this time.
will forever hurt me.
seeing your faces across my life, unphased by the pain so tender, to you and i.
the one thing i thought would never come, you are doing.
i will leave you to your space.
but know not one minute of my day is not spent on you.
you have honestly broken me, because you can't even begin to care or speak to me.
and you have ran away, when i am still standing here, with all of me in my hands to give.
and in my eyes all i see is that i am waiting,
and you have long gone.
so i have nothing left, but to face the facts i see. because you have lead me to no other place, but here.
i will let you be.
i just need to know, what is left.
please grab the spark i left with you, on that paper,
it would kill me if we are so far gone that you couldn't read it.
all that you mean to me was poured into that.
if knowing that was the last time i could tell you how much you mean to me, i would never be able to stop.
but the black blanket, you have pained me to cover my heart with, blinds and fools me, into thinking you would be the one to show me how much you care for me.
because all that is currently clear in my mind is that our light was not bright enough for you, for you to continue on with.
i hate that you can't even bring yourself to me..
i cant help but think i don't even cross you mind, or your heart.
cause your all that stays inside of me.
if you are happy, let me go.
because i am in hell,
in hell of knowing what i had is being replaced.
... as i reach out to you,
unknowing if you will even take this..
or even were willing to explain anything to me, or if you have simply just moved on, and left me with this piercing heartache.
let me know.
because the actions you take, are eternally damaging my heart.
cut me off this rope, i have placed around my life.
cause till then, i will be there hanging... hanging...
forever, on.

let me.

just look.

Maybe I'm blind, maybe I'm blind
Oh I couldn't see you shine
And shimmer right in front of my eyes
Front of my eyes, oh no

I thought I saw light, thought I saw light
Oh it was a faded mirror, just a dim reflection
But you shine, you shine so much brighter, oh


And honey let me sing you a song
And listen to my words as they come out wrong
But don't run away, run away this time
(And) honey let me look in your eyes
You open them one at a time
But don't look away, look away this time

Open your mind, open your mind
And let your beauty flow like wine
But please don't leave me,
Don't leave me outside, leave me outside, oh no

And honey I'll try, honey I'll try
To hold you like the starry skies
We lay beneath tonight
And you shine, you shine so much brighter, oh


And honey let me sing you a song
And listen to my words as they come out wrong
But don't run away, run away this time
Oh, and honey let me look in your eyes
You open them one at a time
But don't look away, don't look away
Don't look away, don't look away oh

And honey let me sing you a song
And listen to my words as they come out wrong
But don't run away, run away this time
Honey let me look in your eyes
Oh they burn like fire
But don't look away, look away this time
But don't look away, look away this time
Don't look away, look away this time

i miss you.

7c40.

the feeling of shedding a mask.
As we are shot into the overload of the fall winds, a reveal of independence is brushed to the surface.
with the sights of a new world in the distance, i walk closer.
a new witness brought to the community of life begins to observe, now under the spotlight of a scattered supported box, a cold tickles the necks of many as they are now focused to the girl above.
a spotted cement circle in which i want to lay my mind on is spreading its way into me, the sight of the mundane stone sets within minutes.
the motion of the lines run constant, the lines guide me into thinking that we are central.
we are within our own boundaries, the first steps into a new territory has lifted me to feel revamped, the sounds of hard stones in contact with the bottom of shoes has pattered a breaking down of the old.
with the hope and new movement of clearance, the intriguing warmth covers my face, its broken through.
typicality blows away, down the back alleys of the busy streets.
its smashed and thrown into the fallen bricks, that are inevitably mended with the molded pavement, it then gets lost in the rubble and soon begins to be forgotten.
a unrolling of dust covers our bodies out in the cold, we feel willing, willing to bare the cycle.
a rotating sense of unforced connection gains momentum as it travels on, up the stairs, through the ridged cracks, to a new start.
a shelter of hidden gems has fallen off the poles of support.
we have jumped into the cycle that we feel will bring us something worthy.
the contact of touching something that was once thought to be a rainbow of gold ice has evolved into a scene of white waves,
the shot of comfort begins to fill my eyes with tears.
finally.
i have found it,
that feeling of complete satisfaction, with myself, with what i want, with you.
as i stare out past the barriers of my hesitant thoughts , i see a view, a view so strong that it breaks them into the cold floor, in which my past has subsided into.
i am left only to submerge myself into you, its what you deserve.
the stones i have thrown at you, that have made you question our love, has bruised my heart.
the force that left only one way out, never made its way to you, and it is because of you,
that we are here.
thank you, thank you for
letting me shed my mask,
on my time,
in my way,
so finally now I am here, exposed.
for you.

a marking of airs.

the close of one eye.
in the moment of laughter, living with the after
a train ride back to the place of distortion cuts my mood.
with the skyline to the right, i tilt my head to rest upon the solid glass window.
the dizzying pace in which the road lines pass, i am fallen into the lost track of exhaustion.
a startled noise awakens me, to look to my left,
all i see is the far window, in the shape of a O, along its edge a speck that is a black spider moves quickly around its border, silently grabbing my attention, as is replicates the sounds that are playing in my head...
im at this detour of thought watching this web of life being formed in front of me,
it then takes me back, out to the window,
i gaze at this roadside town that exerts warmth, and humbleness.
as we look to the signs that will guide our way through, i just wanna stop.
and intake all this air that surrounds here,
knowing a common thread here, holds whats important close is all i ask for in my life.
when the reality of the clock strikes, making clear that there is rarely a time to stop, for things we want to pause into.
but the ability to recognize whats worth waiting and stopping for is the light at the end of my ongoing tunnel.
with the will to wait and withhold for time to play out,
i can see that there will never be a wrong way out.
as once again we carry on pace with this ride we set ourselves on
i lay to rest with my forearm under my chin,
and may i travel to find more lessons, and new sights
that will bring me to great heights,
just so the wind doesnt fright,
i will close one eye tonight.

out of focused truths.

all. some. nothing.
a hung head is all that stands in view, with drops of exceedingly full toxin filled tears hitting the ground slowly. i can't breathe.
with the knowings of a new, uphill, dagger throwing battle up ahead, to the other side, i know i have to pull through, to the end.
as each blade once again aims for the heart, it has succeeded. i lay upon the slanted hill in midst of a summers night, calling to be just lifted away from here. the pains in which finally subside into the rims of my soul have harden.. and put to a daily target of awakened reminders.
you will find this body, but you won't find what lies inside of it, anymore.
because everything that has ever been placed in her, is vanished, and stripped.
a attempt to gather all the pieces that have fallen to the ground, ends up astray because she is gone.
taken to a pit of skin skimming poisons, with the odor coiling into her system, hour by hour she is left dry and loose of any feeling.
i see that it has me here alone, shaking, all without warning.
i need to go to the bottom of the dark lake, that was once clear.
i need to be taken to the lowest limits and stapled there,
robbed of all my abilities, and left there to be forgotten on a rock.
i am now where i belong, in solitude, striving for something that does not follow, nor fits with who i am.
the need to cope with this abandonment, this shut out, has only given me one option.
i can not give anymore of myself, i can not speak anymore words, i can not live anymore seconds.
you have told me the words, i intake them into me.
the option you left me with, is what shades over my life from now on.
it is impossible to try and change them.
because i have, i have tried to voice all i needed to. i am dry. you just cant take it,
now you've let me go,
and i have to let you go because of that.
i can not kill myself any longer over the facts of what i have done to you.
the mask is placed over me now, i will not be here to cause anymore pain upon you,
i am done, for you.
the everlasting, forever candle we lit together at the start, has withered downward...
it has reached the last speck of the black wick, last night.
you took a blow at it,
i could not stop you.
so i took the burnt out candle, and i walked away.
just for you, once again.
as you say, thank you.
i can not bring back this light, i grieve in the facts of what i have in my hand.
so i can not reply.
all i did was just take the first step,
away.
goodbye, i am gone.

a tied knot.

with a frame of gold circles.
a carved shape that timelessly borders our structured paths supplies me with guidance.
placing my fingers in the cracks and ridges of each edged out space has me believing whats present.
with the simple designs of swirls and curves it travels my imagination to you.
thinking back to the peaks of wonders, its those that made me bottle up every second into my mind.
with a fragrance of autumns air inflating my lungs, the image it effortlessly makes in my heart is that of a open road, with a single line of mixed coloured leaves cutting through the middle, telling me to trust it and trust where it leads to.
this line will take me to the future, and to the huge hopes i have for it.
we must trust it to be bigger, better and brighter.
the hunger for a day where it all just pieces together is what i strive towards everyday.
the satisfaction of everything just fitting, mending and melting as one single shape that i can grab a hold is what will power me through.
but the piece i already have fitted is you, and what you bring, which is a staple to my existence.
something that doesn't skip through the waters and then disappears.
a tree that doesn't get cut down but that is forever placed in my life.
one that will always be by my side to conquer this world, no matter what.
this unbreakable bond between a two is rare,
a thank you is not said enough to a masterpiece that has been painted so perfectly...
i owe you a brush to aid in turning your imagination into reality.
i owe you a easel to support all of your leaps of faith.
i owe you a blank canvas to have a fresh start, at leaving your inspirations to a fate.
so take what i can supply and create whatever you feel.
cause the endless shooting stars that i see in your sky are ones that
need to be wished upon, or else it all goes to waste.
you are a gift.
a gift to me.
so with this secure bundle of magic we have spread surrounding us,
lets share it, share this knot we've made
and,
watch it grow into a circle, that continues to always expand, and cycle around
cause boy don't we know its here to stay...
because its forever tied.

let it flow.

a slow falling leaf.
with the sun lite grass covering what lies beneath, a enticing unknown draws me in.
as the pale blue skies open up to gently relieve my untouched surface, it forces my eyelids to come to a pause.
leaving all my trust to my sense of feeling,
at the left side of my lower body... a tiny tickle of something has me feeling consumed, its movement is even and gentle.
in a seconds time its changed, im changed. now under the spotlights of the shaded clouds a turnover into shivering sheets of unpredictability becomes clear, its all at a loss of comforted reliabilities and importance's.
a confusion of what just happened strikes my silent thought, the reality of constant alteration travels down my arm into my fingers, as i pull at the grass that was once warm i toss it into the air...
the wind catches it and showers it over my face.
and as i let my mind slip into a light oblivion, all of time freezes.
i was forgetting what it was to just let go.
i was losing what it was to be expected.
i was shedding what it was to worry.
i was feeling what it was to stop.
the point where i have come to has left me with the staples of how to live,
i need not to be hung on the branches of whats has been lived, rather swing through
all thats to come with lifeless doubt.
and slowly as i am awaken to be under the streaming sun... i realize
that in this place i was in of discovery
i can be nothing but compared to,
a leaf.

one that can't be changed.

having a hand to hold.
a up pace tempo awakens my intentions, i'm soon there to be at your side.
your line of scattered specks splits me into two. the lift when we are present takes me into the winds ease, everything is just simple.
a ongoing siren that attracts my eye can never be hidden.
the cushion you supply me has me in a undeniable consistency, and when i think of the connection that as evolved in us it has me feeling lucky.
but when i see the exhaust, and the strain in you it knocks me into a cage where all of my impurities lie, and it brings me into that cycle of the bashing words fucked over, hurt.... and broke.
i dont know how i bared the cord that i extended latching onto you and still having taken a hold it as every single blade has persistently frayed the line.
when i see a candle sway as the air moves through it, i get lost in the power it holds, the heat of the flame blinds me as i am guided to my ideal... the questions i ask all sprout from my wants.
the never ending imagination i have will never be held back,
a try to bring you into that image will never be stopped,
as you may attempt to go astray,
i cant let that be okay.
so bare with this hand,
as i bring you to the sand...

a mosaic of stones.

thanks for the dishonesty.
thanks for the attempt.
thanks for the ride.
thanks for the fights.
thanks for the willingness.
thanks for the days.
thanks for the nights.
thanks for the support.
thanks for the letdown.
thanks for the growth...

and with the treading of holding onto this gift for all times comes a great deal of scars that will forever be engraved in my heart.
and for each word that's let out of my mouth...
i mean every single sound.

the escape.

for all you've made me feel.
a feeling of dryness consumes my throat and has guided me to the harshness's of what has happened.
a crack and a shatter tightens the back of my neck, it has me at an unease stature, i fight to build the stones that will lead me to improvement, but the unpredictable spread of oil masks the stones it then shakes my attempt and crumbles it.
a look of surrender fills my face.
i need for something to overcome me as the darts in eyes turn into the facts. i'm once again lost, and left to run.
i take cover in the blankets, where i lay my head against the unsteady wood and rely on the inevitable's of a new tomorrow.
i have departed the minutes of peace, where i was in the rawest form of living, where i would run my eyes along the rippleless lake till i would reach the skirts of the arching trees, the dark lake reflected sky is blocked by the takeover of translucidus clouds, with the beams of light striking the sparkle in all fights it has my attention, i am no longer latched onto the stresses of a uncomparable freedom, i am free.
i wanted the docks edges to shorten to my knees, i then spilled my legs into the weightless lake, instantly a sensation of cleanse and purity soothed my tension... i heard silence.
the marriage of sounds made by my feet as it reunited with the waters has healed me from all the worries of what was left behind.
all i have left is to breathe in the deep tones of life.
all i have left is to be welcomed and warmed by the breeze of cool airs.
all i have finally regained was the importance of something worthy.
all i am is into the wild.

fly away.

the walk to the end of the line.
it begins to pick up into a light jog, finally evolving to a sprint.
these quick, minor glances at the side ditches have me falling into a guilt state. the unjust punishment i feel inside has me consistently going back, back to that.
the thoughts and dwells of the past, and the future.
the biggest blinding circle i find myself going in is the one of confusion.
the rounding corners that force my foot to touch the ground pulls me downward into your pull, the pull you have on me, the impact you've made on me isn't easy.
the struggle of the pedals are gripping me to feel the fight, all of the intensities i burn into myself starts from the denials of what got me here, the spotting of the never ending truth.
a field of greys lay in front of me, i pedal back two cycles going to that place of day, you sitting upon the solid ground, the sounds of my voice directing the stance.
its captured.
forever...
the need for this line we have made is apart of me, attached to me, in me.
a disguised essential begins to ink permanence onto me.
let the night cycle on around us.
as we feel the ridges of the pavement on our backs.
may we reunite without a fuss.
to one day find our doubts a float... to the end of the shoreline.

live by your conscience.

the breeze.
inside of the square of simplicity the rush of air fills in the sunken curves that releases... me.
the smell of the solid forms that bare reality gives me light, i see the meadows across the way, with its willows touching the ends of the tall trees. the shadows of the sun guards the aged grass leaving me a spot to rest, the separating line of the night and day, hot and cold presents to me the contrasts of nature... positives and negatives, childhood vs. adulthood and the ups and downs of life.
with the scene of freedom behind me, i chase the drifting string of twine along the dirt path up to the brick yard garden, outlined with single white cala lilies along the stones the accents of black cast iron chairs cuts into the sight, in that moment every glossy shine is covered by the clouds, im blocked out, trying and trying to lend my thoughts to the unknown, and hope of a return. as i turn my back to the sky i spot the takeover of thick grey clouds consuming the atmosphere...
its all too confusing, the seconds of change tangles my mind to never believe. we fool with our words onto paper marking each moment, not ever knowing what the next brings.
we must leave it and mark it with the chance to pick up again, because nothing is ever certain.
nothing stops flowing..
and all is always growing.
just breathe.

avenue of thought.

the nights that i spend strolling along the solid ground keeps me from falling through, all i want is to just feel the warmth arise straight up into my body. the silence of the cars passing by leaves me alone, i shut my eyes and picture the place that i find peace at, my mind is not at ease its filled with disconnected feelings. the porch i wish i could just rest my worries on subsides from my ideals, this rough tug into my heart is hard to seal away. im pushed to the point where i've reached my hollowed out soul and there it is, the remains of a confused border not knowing where to make the incision, and how to exactly make it straight.
i deny the takeover of loss, the presence of dawn has uncovered itself it shines to show me the way. as i pull up the black signs in the sand skim over the top of my layed out thoughts. the graze onto my sensitive skin, ignites the brutally cold blows onto my neck, im closed and open to the sensation of new shivers that are temptingly dripping slowly down every inch of my back, as it taps into my brain, second by second i stop and pause turning to the direction of the unpredictable noises im caught off guard by the image, the image of something blurred. the travel of my focus outward leads me to the lake, and the reflection of the moons glory shines upon the still water marking a path of wonders straight to my stance. at this very moment, 10 : 12.. i know i am meant to be here, through all the heartaches and headaches, i know that this is it, there is no side street to walk onto, no broken yellow rectangles on the road to follow, this is now.
and no matter how bad the burns sting, i can't change it.
i can only hope, embrace and try... to make my way through it.
so here i am, please just find thee a way.

to you i owe.

its the last call out through my stares... im closing the shutters of my eyes, the stream of watered losses collides down my face.
finding the relief as i just sit back and listen to the voice of the man who makes me feel nothing but raw and bare, stripped to the stone cold flesh of who i am.
know that i would travel from new york to victoria with my foot to the ground, if i knew it would make you see the lengths you mean to me. the journey you've put me on, placed me on is the one i will remember, the sunset horizon i need to feel is there when i think of you.
but having the stamp of being your beating, exhausting bullet into your chest, has left me with the twisting sting of failure, this hard surface i shot into myself feels right.
its right to know that i let this bottled up eternal spark of rarity go, cause i am no where near the boundaries of what it deserves to be released to.
the unbarring thought of witnessing and embracing such a state that makes me feel on top of this incredible world, that makes me feel free, appreciated and loved, stabs my soul and infects it with regret.
i said my greatest fear was to regret, and this is the one and only regret that i cant ever be mad at, because i know its for you.
sorry for the flood i've poured into your mind, sorry for the pebbles i've made you stumble on, sorry for being me..
i hope one day this path to the end will pick up, cause i will always have it there, waiting.
but i cant blame the world if it turns upside down, and shatters, i cant blame you for protecting your gift that you need to save.
i cant decide it.
the one thing i can feel is that i dont ever want you to be lost, i will forever be placed in a hole of voids if i couldnt hear your thoughts everyday.. but its up to you.
i leave my words to you, cause that is what i owe.
this is for you.
this atmosphere has no meaning to me if it aint got you in it, know that.
goodbye.
-big blue, tiny red.

i lay in the parallels of two worlds.
and the one common thing that travels through the seams is that the grass will always grow and change, but once the final blow out of a childs mouth is used, the side paths to where i was heading will soon disappear.
the red choke of the grid magnifies into my sight, i see the pattern beginning to fall into play, its all to predictable.
all that is lacking consistence serves a splurge of persistence, the plays of scatter slashes onto the walls leaves marks of your permanence, i need something that will stay, stay as clay so i can trace out the lines of words with my fingertips along the coarse ridged surface, motion by motion its imprinting onto my skin the feeling of meaning.
i want to hear the sound of taps on a hollowed out surface... so i can close my eyes and be placed in the rounds of something steady.
i see the curve of growth, life, and reality.. but i fear the crumbles of this slate of ice... and all i can spot is the view of going downhill.
i tumble onto my back down the rocks, one skid after the other, im bruised with these marks of loss, the borders of the wounds leave me with the restriction to never regret, never regret the choices we are forced to make, the steady pulsation my mind is in leaves me staring blankly out into the uneven highs and lows of the mismatched treelines.
as i follow the seperation between the shades of palest blues to the blackest greens i am stopped by my knee high lengths of water at my legs and im forced under, under the tide...
after the battle of escape, im now confined to the surrender of change.. i've floated on, on and on down the choppy movement of the waves, the toll its taken, it releases my frustration and paranoia and turns them to helplessness.
im done.
take what you need from this rack of used affairs, cause all i feel inside is empty sorrows of distant wallows.
so grab the hands of something worth while, and imbrace it, dont ever lose the grip.. cause life is there to lather up the reins for slipage, all i ask is to sustain this state of fulfillment...
so don't you see?...
we just need to be left at sea.

no other way.

The infusion of the thick mud with the stream of stale rain water separates your will power as a human, to my weakness of selfishness.
the content stage I stood on made me solid at where I was at, I was on the hill while you were fighting the pill.
the force i felt when our eternal connection broke, took me into the spiral of fogged beliefs my though preconceived image of my ideal life, had you in it. YOU.
the denial of my invitation.. I understood, and I understand what you want.
this lost light of direction is blocked by doubt and reality, you supply me everything I needed to be better, you believe in me.
But I failed, i know i failed at you, not being able to return the gift i'm so grateful for.
I failed at delivering the words you deserve, but if what I wanted to say fell short of perfection I could not, and will not give them to you.
this is my loss. my grievance.
well I can give you this.. I know what i've lost, now that it's long gone...

here it goes.

wow.
lets get this all out.
i hate that you frustrate me.
you never let me just be in it. you rushed me.
expected me to be the same always. you left me there.. regretting ever move i made..